Zak Overbooked
by Kopatropa
Summary: Zak is required to attend a project, a birthday, and a presentation, AT THE SAME TIME! Will Zak honor all three commitments, or will he have to bail? SpongeBob parody. Rated M for blood, violence, and strong language.


Zak Overbooked

We see Zak sleeping by himself at 6:30 AM. He wakes up to the soung of the telephone. Zak picks it up.

"Hi, Zak, how's it going."

"Hi, Cassie!" says Zak.

"Listen. I was wondering if you could come by tonight." says Cassie.

"Sure, what's going on?" asks Zak.

"Well, I whipped up an invention I'm gonna unveil tonight in front of our friends, and I need you to be my test subject." says Cassie.

"I'll be there!" says Zak.

Cassie didn't believe him.

"You're not gonna forget, are ya?"

"Of course not! Have I ever let you down before?" asks Zak.

Silence.

"Hello?"

Cassie breaks the fourth wall by entering Zak's side of the call.

"DAMNIT, ZAK, JUST _BE HERE!"_

Cassie leaves.

"With Wheezie as my witness, I won't let you down!" says Zak.

Zak is headed for McDonalds for breakfast.

"I won't let Cassie down! I won't let Cassie down! I won't let Cassie down! I won't let Cassie down! I won't let Cassie down!"

We see Quetzal working on a telescope. Zak passes him and sits down with his breakfast.

"Zak." says Quetzal.

"Yes?"

"I've got a special assignment for you. This is a build-it-yourself telescope. The only problem is, I can't figure out how to put the damn thing together. That's where you come in." says Quetzal.

He hands Zak a book.

"Telescope Assembly Manual..." says Zak.

"Now read this cover-to-cover, and be prepared to put this together at my house tonight."

Zak panics.

"Tonight?!" asks Zaks

Quetzal now looks really pissed.

"That's not gonna be a problem, is it?" he asks.

"Umm..."

Quetzal takes out a sheet.

"Excellent! Because I was looking at your student report card, and it appears the "Does Laborious Task for Supervisor" box is unchecked.

Zak gasps.

"See ya tonight!"

Quetzal leaves.

"Ok, Zak. You can do it. You made the commitments, you have to honor them. Both of them." says Zak.

"Who are you talking to?"

Zak turns around.

"Oh, Hi, Ord. What are you doing here?"

"Sorry to disturb you, I just wanted to remind you about my birthday." says Ord.

"I know about your birthday, Ord." says Zak.

"Then why aren't you saying the words?"

Zak just stands there.

"Umm... What words?"

"Happy... birthday. It's today! My birthday's today!" yells an enraged Ord.

"Damnit!" says Zak.

"Well, you surely must remember what you're gonna bring to my birthday, right?" asks Ord.

"Uhh..."

"My birthday cake, damnit!" yells Ord.

"Tonight?" asks Zak.

"Yes, tonight! Well, when else am I gonna celebrate it? At least I had the courtesy to start the party after my friend finished his chores."

Ord stomps too the front door.

"See ya tonight, ..._buddy."_

Ord slams the door closed.

"Oh, god! This is worse than I ever could've imagined!" says Zak.

We skip to 6 PM. Zak, in a tux, enters Cassie's backyard where everyone is.

"Hi, Cassie!" says Zak.

"Hey, Zak. Just putting the finishing touches on my invention. Thanks for assisting me! You're such a big help! Quetzal will be so proud!" says Cassie.

"Shit! I gotta help Quetzal! Um, Cassie. I gotta go to the, uh, gents room."

Zak removes the tux and enters Quetzal's house.

"Zak, you made it!" says Quetzal.

"You can rely on me, sir! I wouldn't wanna jeopardize my student record. Ok, let's see what we got here. Oh, it says on page 472, section C-17, that you need a right-angled motorized hex drill to assemble this thing."

"Really... Why don't you go into town and pick up one of those hex drill thingies?" asks Quetzal.

"But..."

"Or you could sit there and watch me fill out your student report card..." says Quetzal.

Zak flies into town, but the tool shop is closed.

"FUCK! Where can I find a motorized hex drill now?!"

Zak remembers Cassie.

_"Just finishin up here!" says Cassie._

Zak flies to Cassie's, but runs into Ord.

"Oh, Hi, Ord. What are you doing here?" asks Zak.

"I was just buying some birthday hats for my birthday party." says Ord

Ord grabs Zak's neck.

"You didn't forget my party, did you?"

"Forget? No." says Zak.

"You're already forgetting something!"

"Huh?" asks Zak.

Ord drops Zak.

"Hello!? My birthday cake, damnit!"

"Oh, yeah, that! I w... I was just getting to that! That's why I was here in town! Forget your birthday cake! You're hilarious, you really are! Now, you just go home, and I'll get your cake, you silly guy, you!"

Zak enters the cake store.

"Hi! I need a birthday cake!" says Zak.

"This is what I got..."

Zak gets a cake that says "Sorry About the STD".

"Um, can you change it to say 'Happy Birthday'?" asks Zak.

"You want it or not? I haven't got all night!"

Zak takes it anyway. He enters Cassie's and looks through her toolbox for a hex drill.

"Zak."

"Oh, hi, Cassie! I was just, uh, making sure you had your hardware!" says Zak.

"What's with the hat?"

Zak still has the birthday hat on.

"Oh, I just thought I'd be a little festive, you know." says Zak.

"And the cake?" asks Cassie.

Cassie had no time for an answer. She brings Zak to the stage.

"Greetings, friends! Tonight, you will witness an invention so revolutionary, it may change modern science forever!"

She looks at Zak.

"Uh... what's in your sack?"

We see it enlarged, due to the drill.

"It must be that spicy kelp I ate earlier. I gotta go use the lavatory. I'll be right back!"

Zak runs to Ord's.

"Happy birthday!"

Zak closes the door.

"You finally made it!" says Ord.

"Yeah, there was a, uhh... Big... Traffic... Storm." says Zak.

"Well, just leave my present over on the present table!" says Ord.

Zak gasps.

"Your present?" he asks.

"I'm so excited, I've been waiting for a whole year!"

"I've got it, it's right here." says Zak.

He raps up the hex drill and puts it on the table.

"Well, what're you waiting for, buddy? Serve up the cake so I can tear into that present!" says Ord.

"Shit! I left it at Cassie's!"

"You took it to Cassie's?" asks Ord.

"No! I said "The bakery delivers, isn't that nasty?". In fact, I think I hear them right now outside! Wait there while I go check."

Zak runs to Cassie's and gets the cake.

"Zak!" says Cassie.

"Oh, fuck." says Zak.

They are now onstage.

"I apologize for the delay. Now lets continue the demonstration. I give you, the Protogenerator 2000! This device gives a single laborer the productivity of 5, 6, 7, up to 8 workers, which is great for the management, but is also a boom for the workers because they'll always get high marks on their employee report card!"

Zak remembers Quetzal.

_"I was just looking at your student report card..." says Quetzal._

"Without further delay, I will now initiate the protosequence."

says Cassie.

Zak exits the machine.

"Uh, Cassie, I hate to delay the proceedings, but, uh, I forgot to mail in this mail-in rebate and, uh... I'll be right back."

Everyone glares at Zak as he leaves. He has been running so much, he's leaving bloody marks on the ground. He enters Quetzal's.

"What happened to your feet, Zak?" asks Quetzal.

"Wolves! Yeah, I was attacked by a pack of wild wolves! Now let's finish this telescope." says Zak, trying to ignore the subject.

Zak puts random pieces together.

"Hold on, Zak, you're supposed to be using that motorized hex drill! Now, where is it?"

"Shit! I left it with Ord!" says Zak.

"Ord?" ask Quetzal.

Zak runs away, with Quetzal chasing after him.

"Zak, wait! Get the fuck back here!"

Zak enters Ord's.

"Zak, why are your feet bloody and boney?" asks Ord.

"Never mind that, could I please borrow your present?"

Ord jumps on the table.

"No, no, you can't borrow my birthday present! Not till you deliver my birthday cake!"

Zak runs away again, now with Ord chasing after him.

"Hold on, where're you going?!"

Zak enters Cassie's and gets the cake.

"Hold it! Where is my little assistant going this time?!" asks Cassie.

Ord and Quetzal appear.

"Your little assistant?! That's my little assistant you're talking to! What the bloody hell's going on here!?" asks Quetzal.

"Yeah, I'd like to know also! What the hell kind of a birthday present is this?!" asks Ord, unwrapping the hex drill.

"Hey, Zak was supposed to bring that to me!" says Quetzal.

"That looks like my hex drill! You've got a lot of explaining to do, mister!" says Cassie.

Everyone, even the crowd, begins cussing Zak out.

"I've got something to say. I've got something to say. I've got so... I HAVE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!"

Everyone shuts up.

"I know you all had important things tonight. Quetzal, your telescope. Ord, your birthday. Cassie, you have this big presentation. I just couldn't say "no" to any of you."

"Aw, you overextended yourself." says Cassie.

"Yeah, you should've said something." says Quetzal.

"We could've worked something out." says Ord.

"Aw. You know, you guys are right. It was silly to think I could be in 3 places at once." says Zak.

Cassie gets an idea.

"Nonsense, SpongeBob! Of course you can, if you'll just step into the Protogenerator 2000! First, I close the protochamber. And finally..."

Two more Zaks appear.

"As you can see, I've made 2 clones of my subject which will allow him to honor all of the commitments he's made this evening."

Everyone cheers.

"You hear that, Zak? You can be in three places at once now!"

We see the real Zak sleeping on the ground.


End file.
